A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
