the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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