How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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