At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
