if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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