why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
