You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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