Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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