I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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