He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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