Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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