Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
