Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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