The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
