He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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