Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
