I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
