I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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