Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
