I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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