Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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