PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
