the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
