He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
