The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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