May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
