Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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