I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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