I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
