I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
