Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
