Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
