She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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