i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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