so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
