I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
