I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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