This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
