I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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