so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
