at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
