I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
