I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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