So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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