i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
