marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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