I wish I only lived at night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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