We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize