There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
