Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
