Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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