can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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