you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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