it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
