You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize