so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we're making bets on your personal life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
