If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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