I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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