He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
