i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You were trust falling into bushes
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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