Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
