I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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