So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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